http://tvnewslies.org/html/how_about_taking_a_polygraph_.html
HEY, GEORGE…
HOW ABOUT TAKING A POLYGRAPH?
A TvNewsLIES FANTASY – TVNL Contributing Editor
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy: Anon.
Note: An employer can request an employee to submit to a polygraph test if “the test is being administered in connection with an ongoing investigation.” Employee Polygraph Protection Act (EPPA). 1988. Applicable to George W. Bush, Public Servant, USA.
THE FANTASY
Hey, this is my fantasy, so don’t nitpick. It’s my scenario, so I’ve secured a completely fool-proof lie detector run by the world’s best polygraph expert. I’ve arranged for the test to be broadcast live by every radio and television network in the entire country. And, fantasy of fantasies, George W. Bush has agreed to answer my questions, unaided by external feeds and unaccompanied by Karl Rove or Dick Cheney, while hooked up to the machine. Heck, if I’m going to hallucinate, let’s make it good.
I bet that millions of Americans share this daydream. Just imagine having George W. Bush, President of these United States, alone in a room for just one hour. And imagine being able to question him freely about his disastrous presidency. And then, for one fantastic moment, imagine putting him in the position of having to tell the truth! For sure, in my fantasy, and with my special polygraph, he’d have to tell the truth.
Remember this is my fantasy and it’s my polygraph. So, with every lie, there would be a loud, piercing sound emitted from the machine With every lie, the nation would hear the words YOU JUST LIED, GEORGE blasted into their homes and printed in large block letters across their TV screens. That should be a rather forceful incentive for George Bush to avoid the lies he tells so well. It’s my fantasy, so he’ll have to opt for telling the truth or having his lies exposed to everyone, everywhere. Now, that’s a really first-class fantasy if I say so myself.
THE GROUND RULES
As I said, it’s my fantasy, so I set the rules:
- One full hour, no support staff, no notes, no phone calls, and no appeals for outside help. George Bush will answer every question with a YES or NO response only. In place of either response, he may choose not to answer the question at all. Of course, since this is a fair fantasy, he also may evoke the Fifth Amendment at any time during the test.
- There will be only twenty questions, out of a possible thousand. That’s so you’ll keep reading this to the end. There is a moral to my fable. Trust me.
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George Bush will be given a copy of the questions to be asked prior to testing. Polygraph tests are not designed to surprise, startle, or cause distress. However, on second thought, that does not really apply in this case. Until now, one has ever dared to pose any question that would demand a truthful answer from the President. As a result, every single query is bound to be a surprise that will startle and surely cause the man some distress. Fantasies are sometimes uncomfortable.
- During the polygraph test, each question will be asked orally in clear and standard English George Bush may ask for clarification of any words or phrases he finds confusing or with which he is unfamiliar. If he still does not understand the question, it will be rephrased in simpler form. No one will ever be able to say that this fantasy was elitist or unfair.
- And now, the significant part of this vision unfolds. Picture the scene as the questions are about to begin: George Bush is seated at a table, strapped comfortably to the polygraph. He smiles a bit nervously at the camera, knowing he is center stage in all of America. Someone says lights, camera, and action, as seems appropriate at this fantastic moment. Here we go”¦
TWENTY QUESTIONS
An somber voice addresses the President: Mr. Bush, please answer YES or NO to each of the question you will hear. You may choose to say “I don’t know,” and you may refuse to answer any question. Please bear in mind that the entire nation will know if your answer is not truthful. You better believe it.
- Did you or anyone in your administration have ANY warnings about a possible attack on American soil before 9/11?
- On September 11th, did you actually SEE television images of the first plane hitting Tower One of the World Trade Center as you claimed?
- In the days following September 11th, did you know anything about the dozens of members of the bin Laden family who were flown out of the country without being questioned by the FBI?
- Did you order an independent investigation into the 9/11 attacks as soon you returned to Washington?
- Did you resist such an investigation and only agree to one after nearly 18 months had passed?
- Did you use 9/11 as an excuse to invade and occupy Iraq?
- Did you ever have clear evidence that
Saddam Hussein had WMD’s or ties to Al Qaeda? - Did you discuss the need to ”˜fix’ intelligence information to make a case for war against Iraq as revealed in the Downing Street Minutes?
- Did you knowingly make a case for war to the Congress of the United States based on lies and distortions about Saddam Hussein’s plans to attack the US or his neighbors?
- Did you intentionally play on the fears of the American public after 9/11 by claiming that the invasion of Iraq was the first battle in the War on Terror?
- Were the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq planned in the late 1990’s by members of the Project for a New American Century
, many of whom now hold high positions in your administration?
- Were you ever, or are you now aware of the low esteem in which most people in the world hold you, and as a result of your policies, hold the United States?
- Was a main goal of the invasion of Iraq the control of the oil reserves and pipelines in the region?
- Were you or any members of your administration involved in the staged toppling of Saddam in Baghdad or the fabricated rescue of Jessica Lynch?
- Were you wearing a concealed communication device under your jacket during any or all of the debated with John Kerry during the 2004 election campaign?
- Did you or anyone in your administration have anything AT ALL to do with revealing the identity of CIA undercover agent Valerie Plame?
- Did you or anyone in your administration approve of or allow the torture and abuse techniques used at Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo Bay, or any other prison in Iraq or Afghanistan?
- Did you or anyone in your administration approve of or allow the use of napalm, depleted uranium or any other weapons in Iraq or Afghanistan that are considered illegal under International Law?
- Does the US government secretly send prisoners for interrogation to countries that traditionally use torture?
- Are you planning a pre-emptive or preventive attack Iran or any other country that is not an imminent threat to the US?
Time is up. I posed the questions, but have no clue how George Bush would have answered. There were dozens more questions in my head, but the point has been made with these queries alone. George Bush is free to leave and face the nation.
Wouldn’t it be something if this had not been an illusion? What could George Bush possibly have said in response to these questions? Would he have tried to lie, having had so much practice over the years? Would he have risked being exposed as the liar he is? Would he have refused to answer at all? It’s anyone’s guess.
You know, even in fantasy, I’d put my money on his silence.
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