Biochemist Reveals Universal Life Theory

Last Updated on June 7, 2020 by

In the book The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, one of the key questions surrounding the text is, “what is it all about?”  Or more specifically, it is referred to at the meaning of life, the universe, and everything.  Now one biochemist has published a paper so controversial that it has been redacted in many official channels. His paper claims that he has figured out the meaning of everything, and unified every errant mystery of physics.  There’s only one problem – no one is quite sure what it all means and the claims it makes are more than a little startling.

Unified theories of anything require a great deal of knowledge on all the subjects involved.  And so it’s a bit understandable why a unified theory of all life would have to include knowledge from every aspect it encompasses.  But just as there’s a representation of a galaxy in a single drop of rain, one biochemist has taken the knowledge of his own discipline and says he’s applied it in a way that promises more than any other paper before it.  Erik Andrulis says he has figured out everything.  And he wants the world to know what it’s all about.

The paper centers around mysterious objects called “gyres,” which Andrulis says are essentially like quantum units.  But unlike previous unified theories, the one proposed by Andrulis in his 100 page paper suggests that all things, from the humblest drop of rain to our galaxy, are alive.  Every inanimate object contains life.

But the definitions alone are enough to confuse most first time readers and experienced scientists alike.  Focagyres, Gyraxioms, Dextragyres, and Alternagyres make the text even more difficult.  Luckily, it does include several definitions in an expansive glossary.  For example, under “Gyradaptor” the glossary lists a gyre singularity – a quantum – that exerts all forces on a gyrosystem.  Given that the gyrasystem is “everything,” the definition is easily understood.

But then there are others, including Gyrapex, which are far more difficult to apprehend.  A gyrapex is a “relativistically high potential, excited, unstable, learning state of a particle.”

Of course the paper has made an astounding claim, suggesting the whole of the universe has been unravelled.  Proponents of the paper seem to have a reasonable response, “how are we to know what a full explanation of all the mysteries of the universe might look like?”

Claims that a unified theory of everything has been developed is nothing new.  So what’s different this time?  One of the many strange elements in this weave of mystery is the fact that he applied the gyromodel theory to successfully predict a hidden signature of RNA biogenesis.  The discovery was made at his lab in Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine.

Is the fact that he has been able to successfully integrate his model into a real world discovery enough to warrant a second look?  Or is it simply a coincidence?