Skunk Ape Season Begins

With the Gulf Coast in danger of being washed over with oil, the Everglades may be soon suffering from another kind of danger, according to one researcher.  Dave Shealy, a cryptozoologist of many years and one of the leading researchers on the Skunk Ape says May begins the mating season for the legendary creature.

The Florida Everglades have been the site of hundreds, if not thousands of sightings of what many colloquially call Bigfoot.  But Shealy says Bigfoot is the Northern cousin of the Skunk Ape, which is what actually haunts the alligator rich swamps of the Everglades.  Skunk Ape, he says, is Bigfoot’s smaller counterpart who’s presence is often announced by an odoriferous stench.  The full time researcher and RV park owner says May is a time for these creatures to mate, and warns people that they should be careful about what laundry they hang out to dry as different items, such as underwear, can send Skunk Ape into a rampaging frenzy, possibly damaging property.  It’s no coincidence that May seems to be the best time to try to spot one of these creatures.

There are currently estimated to be nine Skunk Apes wandering around the Everglades.  Several Campers have, in recent weeks, reported a strange sound coming from the woods that is almost akin to a person cooing, but doesn’t sound quite human.  Others suggest this may be nothing more than a case of misidentification on the part of the witnesses.  Still, several Cryptozoologists are warning campers to not be aggressive around the shy creatures so as to not disrupt their mating habits or provoke them to become violent.  Sightings of the creatures have been reported where they would suddenly take a tree trunk and tear it to pieces as a show of their incredible might, so those camping in the deep woods should take warning.  But it should also be noted that there are no known cases of a human being physically attacked or injured by the skunk ape.

Other theorists suggest all Bigfoot type creatures, including the Yeti (or abominable snowman), Skunk Ape, Bigfoot, and the dozens of other named subtypes are more metaphysical in nature.  This theory suggests that the creatures spontaneously appear either due to or independent from the witnesses and are more akin to ghosts than gorillas.  It has even been suggested that Bigfoot itself could even be a type of ghost seen of our ancient ancestors, the so-called missing link between human and apes.  If this were the case there would be no need for reproduction, since the creatures would not be bound by the same biological laws that living creatures are.  Instead they would simply be connected to a given area of woods and haunt it in much the same way a ghost would haunt a castle or ancient mansion.  Still others suggest the encounters they have had with the creature suggest it is very real and very tangible.

There have been more than a few frightened 911 calls to tell tale of the massive creatures lurking in the woods, howling unearthly sounds, and even devouring deer carcasses in front of witnesses.  Still, these are not representative of the kinder gentler creatures that many people who dedicate their lives to researching the creatures know.